DEEPCUTZ
DEEPCUTZ
WOODEN HOOCH
0:00
-3:42

WOODEN HOOCH

January of my intern year they made me get on a plane and head out
To the woods outside of San Antonio on this Army base
so I land at the Airport and there's a white van waiting for me
I get in
Its an Army Staff Seargent
And he was all
"Welcome Sir"
We hit the gas
And head out into Hill country

They had a COC and a bunch of little wooden camp buildings
Not really tents, but not good enough to be cabins
Something in between
I go to the front counter
There is a sign-in sheet
Wrote down where I was coming from and which branch of service
Then I walked down the path with a couple of the other interns
Two dentists, three nurses and a doctor from Bethesda

We get down to the wooden structure, the hooch

The other guy got into the thing first and threw his
Duffel bag on the rack and then I took the one above it
There was another lady who popped in the building a couple minutes
Later, one of the Orthopedic interns, a surgeon from Balboa
I'd seen her before. Sweet gal. Tom boy. Big boned and small-brained
We went to chow, had dinner and some small talk
Then hit the rack

Next morning the fucking bugle goes off at 0500 and
Again I'm questioning my decision making a couple years ago
When I signed up for this shit
I threw on my jacket, got out of there and over to the outdoor sinks

The air was cold and intrusive

Brushed my teeth and the paste was going dry
Opened the faucet. Damn. No water. So I tried the one next to it.
Fuck. So I swished around what little saliva I could generate and
Hawked the remaining toothpaste into the sink and then I walked up the little trail
To the convenience store across the street from the auditorium

The school house where we would go through Trauma classes

The cold air made my teeth tingle

So we get to the place and right off the bat this Airborne Infantry guy
Is giving us these over view courses
It was mostly boring logistics and lay-out of the exercises for the
Rest of the month
Then they bring up this wounded veteran from Iraq

He's got one leg

I'm sipping my coffee and listening to every word of this guy's story
Dealing with insurgents and killing babies
And then saving the good babies and such
He wrpas up his talk with a few slides about medical readiness
At the end of it the first guy, the Airborne infantry guy gets up there
And his face is all red and steaming and stuff
He's livid about something

He looks out into the crowd

"YOU WERE ALL ON YOUR PHONES
YOU GUYS ARE OFFICERS
YOU BRING SHAME TO THIS AUDITORIUM
NOW GO FUCK YOURSELVES
I'M OUTTA HERE."

And he dropped the mic and busted out of the back door
Of that cold musty auditorium
Most of the time being in the Navy I was proud to be
An officer and a doctor
Did my best to uphold a level of professionalism
To give honor and respect
This day I wasn't proud though
I looked around at all the brainiacs with uniforms

Gold leaves and officer rank insignia

Everyone in this room nailed their standardized tests
They had peer-reviewed publications
But they couldn't hold it together 
Couldn't give a little common decency
To put their phones on Airplane mode
During this event
L

3DEEPERCUTS PUBLISHING 2024

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